There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
