me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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