well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
