God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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