maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
