Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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