My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
