Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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