Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I deserve this hangover.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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