Your face is a jimmy john
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
