Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
