I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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