John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
