There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
