Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
