I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
