exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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