somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am midnight drunk by noon
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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