At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
