More tranny stories later!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
