Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
