Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
