Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
