ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she peed on how many people?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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