M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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