***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
did i walk over a car last night?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
