i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
