imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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