I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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