Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
