yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
