I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
