So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
