am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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