Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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