You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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