You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
