Im at strip club and am horny
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
