mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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