my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
