dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
