I can tuck mytits in my pants
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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