Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
our cab driver is having phone sex.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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