Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
