I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
