Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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