The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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