he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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