Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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