your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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