I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
