i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
