you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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