sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
