Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
